Carol Schober, PsyD

Relationship maintenance and repair is a funny thing. There is a commonly held view that we must talk about IT and the act of talking about IT has a curative effect. We get caught up in the emotion, the pain of disappointment, and somehow we are supposed to be able to talk our ways through the crisis.
It is important to talk with our partners. But talking itself is not the answer.

Step back for a moment. What is the big picture? What is the other person’s point of view? We know how their actions make us feel, but how do our actions effect them? What are they worried about?

Communication is a total process. Talking. Listening. Understanding. Letting go of “musts” and “shoulds.” Learning. Doing. Sharing. Just being together.

A verbal explosion when you are worn down and frustrated does not fix much. It only states your position at that moment. A relationship is about interaction. It is more than being right or wrong.

Take responsibility for your own words and actions. Allow yourself to experience empathy. Work on this together.

Talking alone is not the answer.